Thursday, February 8, 2007

Cheney Fires Himself, Joins WAAGNFNP, Rehires Himself

* * * Breaking News * * *

The Blogoramaville Times
from intertubes reports

Citing widespread criticism of his language, Vice President Dick Cheney announced that he was firing himself from the Bush administration late last night. Early the next morning, after having left the Republican Party to join the We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now Party, he announced that he had rehired himself.

"I'm not leaving the Republican Party," he stated. "The Party has left me. That's why I joined the WAAGNFNP."

WAAGNFNP spokespeople declined to respond to repeated requests for reactions.


JP Stormcrow said...

In further comments, Cheney elaborated:
I am so fucking pissed at myself for not being able to control my goddamn language. In fact I'm beginning to think that I am, like, some kind of homo or something. Mary had to get it from somewhere.
At this point, an aide rushing forward with a glass of water for the clearly distraught ex-VP, stumbled and spilled it on Mr. Cheney', who commenced to melt.
You fucking nitwit. Look what you've done. I'm melting! Melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a little pissant like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness.

Before he disappeared completely, he turned the offending aide into a "hoppy toad", and emitted a black shadow, which rushed the crowd while shrieking Pathetic Earthlings, Who will save you now from the GNF?, before flying out the window.

A nearby member of teh WAAGNFNP was overheard remarking;
Holy fucking shit, The Catholic League ain't got nothing on us now.

Oaktown Girl said...

Praise Astaroth, Cheney melted!

There's no way the WAAGNFNP's Ministry of Justice would have allowed him as a member. (He'll, the MOJ would probably allow Kirby and Norman before Cheney).

Cheney melting on his own was just a nice time-saver.

spyder said...

It was my understanding that he was trying to leverage a nomination as the WAAGNFNP candidate for President, running on his own platform of immediate and final nuclear war. His nuclear credentials are in order, but his reliance on lies and deception (and manipulating intel) makes him untrustworthy as to his real desire to use the Nukes. He might have a moment of pang-filled angst over his grandchildren or something; or not.