So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

Yes, I just compared ex-LPGA Commissioner Carolyn Bivens to the dolphins in the 4th novel of Douglas Adams's classic Hitchhiker's Guide trilogy.

And yes, the analogy doesn't precisely hold, for as the 2nd-most-intelligent species on Earth, the dolphins in Adams's novel saved the planet after it had been unexpectedly demolished to make way for a new hyperspace bypass, or rather saved the 3rd-most intelligent species (us) by pulling a parallel Earth to replace the demolished one (it's all there in Chapter 32), so if you take the Earth as a metaphor for the LPGA, this seems to me to better fit the new-Commissioner-to-be-named-later than Bivens herself, whose grasp of English and social interactions was never quite as Vogon-reciting-poetry-bad as critics like Geoff Shackelford made out but who really did take a huge gamble with the tour's future and has paid the price for it, although her consolation prize--a buyout of the remaining years on her contract--will pay for a lot of fish, so maybe the metaphor does work, after all. Speaking of fish, Adams has lots of passages that can help a blog named Mostly Harmless commemorate the end of the Bivens era.

Take last year's language controversy. All the LPGA needs is the Babel fish, right? Hmmm...what does the Hitchhiker's Guide say to that?

the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation.

Of course that one's from page 42 of The More Than Complete Hitchhiker's Guide. Here's one for the golfy media, courtesy of Wonko the Sane:

I'm not trying to prove anything, by the way. I'm a scientist and I know what constitutes proof. But the reason I call myself by my childhood name is to remind myself that a scientist must also be absolutely like a child. If he sees a thing, he must say that he sees it, whether it was what he thought he was going to see or not. See first, think later, then test. Otherwise you will only see what you were expecting.

Anyway, to return to my nautical theme, Marsha Evans, a retired Rear Admiral in the U.S. Navy and former President/CEO of the American Red Cross, will be the tour's interim commissioner, and Annika Sorenstam will be helping the Board of Directors find its bearings and chart a new course. Apparently the idea was that having been ousted in a ARC board mutiny back in 2005 and participating in the LPGA Board's own in 2009, Evans will have learned from her own and her predecessor's mistakes. In which case, let's hope she wasn't in charge of the announcement process.

Sometimes life imitates Adams. And sometimes bloggers do, too.

[Update 1 (4:11 pm): Here's Ryan Ballengee with the news and background on Evans, Stephanie Wei on Bivens's legacy and Sorenstam's role, Jay Busbee on what next, and The Golf Chick with some answers.]

[Update 2 (4:14 pm): And here's Brent Kelley's thoughtful analysis.]

[Update 3 (4:21 pm): And here are the LPGA's press releases announcing Bivens's replacement with Evans and explaining Sorenstam's role.]

[Update 4 (11:11 pm): Bill Jempty, one of Bivens's longest-standing and harshest critics in blogaramaville, weighs in with his thoughts on Bivens's ouster and replacement.]

[Update 5 (11:18 pm): Here's Randall Mell.]

[Update 6 (11:24 pm): Here's the Golf Channel video of the announcement.]

[Update 7 (11:49 pm): Here's Hound Dog's reaction to the news and the press conference.]

[Update 8 (7/14/09, 9:54 am): Here's Daniel Wexler's reaction and Stephanie Wei's overview at the Huffington Post.]

[Update 9 (10:00 am): Geoff Shackelford links to and comments on various journalists' reactions.]

[Update 10 (10:09 am): Here's Dave Seanor's reaction.]

[Update 11 (11:18 am): Here's Christina Kim on why she's optimistic about the LPGA's future.]

[Update 12 (11:33 am): Here's Gene Yasuda's piece for Golfweek.]

[Update 13 (11:44 am): And here's one of the guys from Nice Ballz.]

[Update 14 (4:21 pm): William Rhoden of the NYT got Bivens to talk in a phone interview, so his piece is definitely worth reading.]

[Update 15 (7/15/09, 10:54 pm): John Strege shares the views of a former tournament organizer of Bivens's 1st ex-tournament, the Shoprite.]

[Update 16 (7/16/09, 12:37 am): Brent Kelley has done some reading--and linking--of his own.]

The Best of the Young Guns: Super Soph Edition, April 2009

Better late than never: here's my updated ranking of last year's LPGA rookie class, just in time for the Michelob Ultra. No desire to throw cold water on Ron Sirak's expertly-done hyping of the Solheim Cup-inspired American surge on the LPGA, but I have to doubt he'd sound so optimistic if the winners of the U.S.-Europe team showdown had to face the winners of a Team Korea vs. Team Japan Kyoraku/Pinx Cup competition. (Yeah, yeah, it got snowed out last year, but that just bolsters my case that the JLPGA and KLPGA should rethink the event.) (And, yes, even following up on my idea would not be inclusive enough, but gotta start somewhere and I can see the U.S. team becoming a Team Americas, Europe teaming up with Africa, Korea teaming up with mainland Asia, and Japan teaming up with the Asian-Pacific.) Sorry for the double digression there: my point is that the Class of 2008 is not the place to look for American dominance!

Simply the Best

1. Ya Ni Tseng. Already recognized as one of the top players in the world, she hasn't finished worse than 17th in 7 starts this season. But when will she finally get her 2nd win?
2. Na Yeon Choi. Still pitching a perfect game when it comes to making cuts, she's fallen further behind her Rookie of the Year rival in every major stat. But with Tseng's difficulty in notching win #2, it wouldn't take much for Choi to make up a lot of ground in a little time.

The Contenders
3. Momoko Ueda. For someone who just had her wisdom teeth removed, she's been playing all right, but unless she picks up her game, she's going to fall further down the world rankings. She's in little danger of falling down these rankings, though, as most of her peers are mired in sophomore slumps that make hers look miniscule in comparison.
4. Hee Young Park. Except for 2 fantastic rounds, she doesn't have much to speak of this season, but they certainly show what kind of talent she has.
5. Shanshan Feng. At least her bad start to this season isn't as horrific as her terrible start to her rookie season, but that's not much of a silver lining....
6. Amy Yang. Still nt playing close to her potential on the LPGA, but at least she's making cuts at a rate that suggests she can hang with the best once she starts playing like she's capable of.

Quantum Leap Candidates
7. Louise Friberg. She's going through what Meaghan Francella did after getting her 1st career LPGA win--suffering through a major slump. Francella seems to be coming out of hers, so give Friberg time....
8. Sandra Gal. Her stats are way off from last year
9. Anja Monke. She hasn't been able to maintain the level of play that brought her a pair of wins late in the LET '08 season, despite some solid winter golf, but once she starts putting better, look for some top 20s at least from her--that GIR rate it pretty impressive!

On the Bottom, Looking Up
10. Jimin Jeong. One of the few players in her class to show serious improvement from her rookie season, she's leapfrogged a lot of people and moved up to #158 on the current LPGA priority list. Her made cut rate suggests she has the potential to move up a rank next time I do this ranking.
11. Eunjung Yi. At #152 on the priority list, she should have many opportunities to play her way out of her bad start to the season.
12. Carolina Llano. At #130 on the priority list, she has a great chance to make the top 80 on the money list this season, if she can just start playing better.
13. Taylor Leon. At #156 on the priority list, she'll have her chances this season to make the top 80, but like Yi and Llano, she'll have to take better advantage of them when they come.
14. Sarah Kemp. At #162 on the priority list, she'll need a little more help to get into enough events to have a shot at the top 80....
15. Anna Grzebien. At #119 on the priority list, she's in the best shape of anyone at this level in her class, but she'll need to make more birdies to take advantage of that status.
16. Leah Wigger. At #147 on the priority list, she can't drop much further down it, so she should get into enough events to play her way out of her slump.
17. Ashleigh Simon. On the comeback trail from back injuries that sidelined her for most of the season, we'll see what shape her game is in this week. At #141 on the priority list, we should be seeing a lot more of her in the coming months.
18. Anna Rawson. Yikes! She seemed to have built up great momentum from Q-School and a solid Australian swing, but she's missed the cut in all 4 LPGA events she's gotten into. At #134 on the priority list, she'll have plenty of opportunities to stage a comeback, though.

On the Outside, Looking In (Futures Tour or worse in '09)
19. Onnarin Sattayabanphot. At #19 on the Futures Tour money list, she's played well below my expectations thus far.
20. Hannah Jun. Ditto, except she's at #26 on the FT money list.
21. Liz Janangelo. Ditto, except she's at #24 on the FT money list.
22. Sarah Oh. Played well in Australia this winter, including a win against a pretty strong field, so I'm not sure why she hasn't started playing on the FT yet....
23. Nicole Hage. At #14 on the FT money list, she's far exceeding my expectations.
24. Hwanhee Lee. At #56 on the FT money list, she's exceeding my expectations.
25. Sofie Andersson. At #68 on the FT money list, she's playing below my expectations.
26. Violeta Retamoza. At #95 on the FT money list, she's playing well below my expectations.
27. Chris Brady. At #104 on the FT money list, she's also playing far below my expectations.
28. Emma Cabrera-Bello. 2 missed cuts on the LET's Australian swing get her off to a slow start in '09, but she'll have plenty of chances to improve there.
29. Amie Hartje. Not yet listed as a FT member in 2009, I believe she's eligible for membership.
30. Sukjin Lee Wuesthoff. I can't find any evidence that she's playing professional golf anywhere.

For your reference--and mine--here are the stats on which I'm basing the April ranking.

2009 LPGA Money List (rank), stroke average (rank), birdies per round average (rank [in total birdies]), greens in regulation rate (rank): I focus on four key indicators of how well someone is playing this season--how much money they've made, how they've scored, how many birdies they've averaged per round, and how many greens they've hit in regulation on average per round, plus how they rank in each category (except for birdies, which LPGA.com ranks by total and not by average). I figure I can figure out how well they're hitting their irons and putting by comparing the last three figures, so I don't include putts per green in regulation here. Some of the figures Hound Dog thinks are the most important I'm looking at in the career stats (below), where I think they belong. These stats are all about the present and future.

1. Ya Ni Tseng, $366.4K (#5), 70.31 (#2), 4.27 (#1), 70.2% (#16)
2. Na Yeon Choi, $263.2K (#10), 71.27 (#7), 3.38 (#6), 68.2% (#22)
3. Hee Young Park, $181.0K (#17), 72.76 (#30), 2.48 (#41), 58.1% (#93)
4. Momoko Ueda, $52.3K (#46), 72.85 (#34), 2.54 (#85), 64.8% (#39)
5. Shanshan Feng, $41.3K (#54), 73.53 (#57), 2.63 (#48), 61.1% (#65)
6. Sandra Gal, $31.1K (#63), 73.82 (#64), 2.82 (#54), 56.5% (#102)
7. Jimin Jeong, $30.5K (#65), 73.46 (#55), 2.92 (#74), 60.2% (#74)
8. Taylor Leon, $20.9K (#78), 74.22 (#81), 2.67 (#103), 55.6% (#106)
9. Eunjung Yi, $20.0K (#79), 74.45 (#93), 2.73 (#92), 43.1% (#140)
10. Anna Grzebien, $17.8K (#86), 73.92 (#70), 2.17 (#99), 62.2% (#55)
11. Anja Monke, $17.1K (#87), 73.36 (#51), 2.43 (#81), 75.6% (#2)
12. Amy Yang, $16.0K (#90), 73.24 (#48), 2.53 (#62), 60.2% (#74)
13. Louise Friberg, $13.4K (#92), 75.72 (#122), 2.56 (#57), 52.8% (#117)
14. Carolina Llano, $13.1K (#95), 74.40 (#89), 2.30 (#109), 62.2% (#55)
15. Leah Wigger, $10.4K (#106), 74.64 (#98), 1.91 (#117), 58.3% (#89)
16. Sarah Kemp, $7.3K (#118), 73.57 (n.r.), ?, ?
17. Anna Rawson, $0 (n.r.), 75.63 (#119), 1.63 (#135), 55.6% (#106)
18. Ashleigh Simon, $0 (n.r.), 76.50, ?, ?

Career LPGA Money List (rank), # of LPGA events entered/majors/wins/top 3s/top 10s/top 20s/cuts made (made cut rate): About the only thing these stats are useful for is comparing people who entered the LPGA in the same year (although if you count generations by 3 years, it can be interesting). Between inflation, changing purses, and length/timing of careers, it's very hard to compare and contrast winnings across generations of LPGA greats. Fortunately the Super Sophs haven't been at this all too long, so the career money list is a decent stat for comparing them, even if it's a bit unfair to people who have not been exempt both years. What would really be great is if we had a world money list in inflation-adjusted dollars, with inflation- and exchange-adjusted other cash denominations added in (or just totalled up separately to avoid comparing dollars and yen), which included all each golfer earned as a professional on any tour. But even the guys don't have that, so that'll have to remain a dream for now--although Thomas Atkins has posted an inflation-adjusted LPGA Career Top 50 as of the end of the 2008 season over at Hound Dog's place and just come out with a Top 50 ranking. In any case, I include these other ways of seeing how the Super Sophs finished relative to their competition in the tournaments they entered because they reveal a lot about how well someone is able to compete at every level, from just making cuts to grinding out top 20s and top 10s to contending for wins. Many thanks to the LPGA for updating their 2009 Performance Chart after every event!

1. Ya Ni Tseng, $2.12M (#87), 34/1/1/9/15/25/33 (.971)
2. Na Yeon Choi, $1.36M (#128), 34/0/0/5/12/23/34 (1.000)
3. Hee Young Park, $655.7K (#230), 34/0/0/1/5/8/27 (.794)
4. Shanshan Feng, $514.1K (#257), 32/0/0/1/5/7/19 (.594)
5. Momoko Ueda, $465.8K (#263), 23/0/0/0/3/7/19 (.826)
6. Louise Friberg, $408.4K (#285), 31/0/1/1/3/4/18 (.581)
7. Sandra Gal, $212.3K (#371), 28/0/0/0/0/4/20 (.714)
8. Eunjung Yi, $115.2K (#437), 17/0/0/0/0/1/10 (.588)
9. Jimin Jeong, $112.4K (#441), 17/0/0/0/1/2/12 (.706)
10. Taylor Leon, $106.5K (#451), 20/0/0/0/2/4/9 (.450)
11. Carolina Llano, $101.0K (#456), 27/0/0/0/1/1/13 (.481)
12. Sarah Kemp, $80.7K (#485), 22/0/0/0/0/2/11 (.500)
13. Amy Yang, $76.8K (#490), 12/0/0/0/1/3/9 (.750)
14. Anna Rawson, $62.8K (#509), 17/0/0/0/1/2/5 (.294)
15. Anna Grzebien, $56.9K (#521), 19/0/0/0/0/1/8 (.421)
16. Anja Monke, $53.1K (#530), 9/0/0/0/0/0/7 (.778)
17. Liz Janangelo, $34.0K (#567), 22/0/0/0/0/0/9 (.409)
18. Hannah Jun, $32.0K (#572), 9/0/0/0/0/0/5 (.556)
19. Leah Wigger, $24.5K (#587), 10/0/0/0/0/0/5 (.500)
20. Ashleigh Simon, $24.5K (#589), 16/0/0/0/0/0/7 (.438)
21. Amie Cochran, $17.2K (#616), 5/0/0/0/0/1/1 (.200)
22. Onnarin Sattayabanphot, $8.6K (#664), 8/0/0/0/0/0/2 (.250)
23. Nicole Hage, $8.4K (#665), 7/0/0/0/0/0/2 (.286)
24. Chris Brady, $6.1K (#682), 4/0/0/0/0/0/2 (.500)
25. Violeta Retamoza, $2.5K (#715), 19/0/0/0/0/0/1 (.053)
26. Emma Cabrera-Bello, $0K (n.r.), 2/0/0/0/0/0/0 (.000)
27. Sarah Oh, $0K (n.r.), 3/0/0/0/0/0/0 (.000)
28. Hwanhee Lee, $0K (n.r.), 5/0/0/0/0/0/0 (.000)
29. Sukjin Lee Wuesthoff, $0K (n.a.), 0/0/0/0/0/0/0 (.000)
30. Sofie Andersson, $0K (n.a.), 0/0/0/0/0/0/0 (.000)

Other Career Measures: Rolex Ranking (as of 5/4/09) and rank, Golfweek/Sagarin Performance Index (as of 5/3/09) and rank, International and Non-Member LPGA Wins (as of the end of the 2008 season): This is a way of seeing how those Junior Mints who sometimes or regularly or often compete on other tours stack up over the course of their careers to date (the RR includes results over the past 104 weeks on the LPGA, LET, JLPGA, KLPGA, and Futures Tour; the GSPI includes results over the past 52 weeks on all these tours except the KLPGA).

1. Ya Ni Tseng, 8.77 (#2), 69.66 (#6); 0
2. Na Yeon Choi, 3.67 (#12), 69.92 (#8); 4
3. Momoko Ueda, 3.05 (#24), 70.79 (#22); 7
4. Hee Young Park, 2.19 (#45), 71.44 (#47); 4
5. Shanshan Feng, 1.95 (#50), 72.03 (#72); 0
6. Amy Yang, 1.21 (#75), 72.04 (#73); 3
7. Louise Friberg, 1.04 (#86), 73.07 (#123); 0
8. Sandra Gal, .80 (#107); 71.96 (#69); 0
9. Anja Monke, .61 (#127), 73.03 (#122); 2
10. Jimin Jeong, .51 (#148), 72.96 (#116); 0
11. Sarah Kemp, .46 (#160), 74.27 (#225); 0
12. Eunjung Yi, .46 (#163), 72.57 (#94); 0
13. Anna Rawson, .38 (#191), 73.40 (#141); 0
14. Taylor Leon, .35 (#201), 74.39 (#236); 0
15. Anna Grzebien, .20 (#259), 73.51 (#150); 0
16. Ashleigh Simon, .20 (#260), 74.41 (#240); 1
17. Carolina Llano, .20 (#266), 74.08 (#206); 0
18. Sarah Oh, .20 (#268), 74.27 (n.r.); 0
19. Leah Wigger, .11 (#341), 74.15 (#210); 0
20. Emma Cabrera-Bello, .05 (#430), 75.22 (#303); 0
21. Liz Janangelo, .05 (#433), 74.83 (#278); 0
22. Onnarin Sattayabanphot, .05 (#446), 74.31 (#230); 0
23. Nicole Hage, .04 (#465), 75.71 (#332); 0
24. Amie Cochran, .03 (#520), 78.25 (n.r.); 0
25. Hannah Jun, .02 (#579), 74.21 (#218); 0
26. Violeta Retamoza, .01 (#639), 78.16 (#491); 0
27. Sofie Andersson, .01 (#719), 77.49 (#453); 0
28. Hwanhee Lee, n.r., 75.95 (#351); 0
29. Chris Brady, n.r., 77.48 (#451); 0
30. Sukjin Lee Wuesthoff, n.r., n.r.; 0

Here's my schedule for the rest of the season:

May: Young Guns (post-Corning)
June: Class of 2006 (post-Wegmans)
July: Class of 2007 (pre-WBO)
August: Class of 2008 (post-Safeway)
September: Young Guns (post-Longs Drugs)
October: Class of 2006 (post-Korea)
November: Class of 2007 (post-Stanford)
December: Class of 2008 (post-Q School)
January '10: Young Guns; Class of 2009 (final 2009 ranking)

Quickies: Time-Lapse Movies

Balloon race:



Thunderstorm:



LEGO towers:



35 years of Shinjuku Skyscrapers:



Cross-country drive:

Soft Shoe, with dew, for a Monday evening

Hakata Yamagasa Rocks! Chiyo Rules!

July 1-15 is probably the biggest festival in Fukuoka: Hakata Yamagasa. Guys spend basically the two weeks before and during the festival training for its culmination on the 15th, when there's this kind of a race that begins at 5 am in which--well, if a picture is worth a thousand words, this ten-second clip from YouTube from last year is worth several billion....



Fortunately or unfortunately, you can't see the thongs those guys are wearing for the competition too clearly in that clip. So here's another. Click at your own risk (and wait, wait, for it....).



Yup, basically teams of a hundred or so guys [Update 7/23/07: actually, it's 600-3000)] work together carrying this float (no more than 15-20 at a time, it seems) [Update 7/23/07: actually, it's around 25)] that they designed and built on a course that winds through the city streets in a kind of mini-marathon, complete with time trials. I'm proud to report that our neighborhood--Chiyo--won their category. Our only contribution was to watch the guys running through the street one night chanting, "Washoi! Washoi!" (which they do while carrying the float). We did take our friends visiting from Nagoya to the shrine inside of which all the teams did a kind of figure 8 early in the race--including one float that looked (on tv, that is) like it was about 30 feet tall, and looked even taller in real life (onechan was afraid it would fall down on her). Yes, we learned our lesson from the previous time we went to that temple during the Candy Throwing Festival (otherwise known as Setsubun--originally they threw soybeans, then during the Bubble Economy, money--which probably accounts for all the gigis and babas who almost crushed onechan and imoto scrambling for the candy that was being thrown when I foolishly asked the tsuma if we could experience it from the middle of the crowd rather than its edges) and only ventured into it hours after the last float did its loop.

Now I understand why the tsuma was so disappointed with the July 4 parade in our hometown last year. And that you actually can turn a parade into interesting tv, unlike, say, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day one. These guys are so hard-core that they never thought of cancelling the race, even though all during the second half of the week forecasters were predicting that a powerful typhoon was bearing down on Fukuoka. One team leader was quoted on tv as saying it would make it even better.

Now that's a festival I can get behind. Figuratively. Definitely.

This One's for Uncle Bill

Onechan's favorite video on teh youtubes lately is the one she calls the "funny Powerpuff cartoon." It's the one in Portuguese I added to my old post on the rainy season a few days ago when I realized the copyright hawks had blocked the English version. And it's the one she was clamoring for in the first comment on Uncle Bill's latest Sparkychan and Gojochan Adventure, Onechan's Choice. So after dinner tonight I was on my own with the girls and of course I showed them that video. (I needed a distraction from onechan's envy of imoto's new pull-ups--apparently, she wanted the "shippo" [tail] on the back, that plastic adhesive strip you can use to seal up the dirty diaper--and snipping the shippo off and sticking it to the back of onechan's undie wasn't doing the trick, especially when imoto was trying to rip it off!)

Afterwards I wanted to get them in the tub and get them to sleep before the tsuma returned home from reading manga at BookOff, but they were pretty revved up. So I had the brilliant idea of showing "Down'n'Dirty," one of my favorite episodes--in Portuguese, of course.



Little did I realize when I first clicked on the link that Gojira would not only make an appearance at the end, but also would be the only thing that convinced Buttercup she needed to finally take a bath--not getting kicked out of her home, school, or city for stinking up the joint, but not being allowed to do what she loves best, fighting monsters, did the trick. The voice actor for Gojira in this version isn't as god as the one in English--or the one from the rainy day cosuplay episode when Buttercup dresses up as Miss Bellum--but it was good enough for us this evening.

Even though onechan got a bit more scared during the episode than I expected, she totally got the point at the end and rushed to the tub. Of course imoto followed her. While in the tub we had a huge discussion about whether imoto should be Buttercup (because she can be rough, like Kuromi), onechan should be Bubbles (because she's sweet like My Melody and cries a lot), mama should be Blossom (because she's the commander and the leader, of course), and I should be the Professor (duh!)--or whether imoto should be Blossom (because she can be stubborn and bossy), onechan should be Bubbles (because she's the joy and the laughter), I should be Buttercup (because I am the toughest fighter, in the family, that is, at least when play fighting with the girls and their cousins [all under 5!]), and mama should be Miss Bellum (because she's so smart and pretty)--but eventually got around to getting soaped up, rinsed off, dried off, and in pajamas. That's when the trouble began.

Imoto is used to falling asleep next to the tsuma after (or while) breastfeeding and this would be something like the, oh, second night in her life it wasn't going to be that way. She was happy biting the bottle I gave her for awhile, but eventually she got bored with that and started looking around for mama. When she couldn't find her, she cried and cried. I wasn't sure what to do beyond letting her tire herself out, but then I remembered two things: 1) how she had giggled her head off right after the tsuma headed out when onechan did a cute little silly song and dance number for her, and 2) how much she likes it when I hold her and sing her a song I made up for onechan (to the tune of Frere Jacques):

Atsui, samui
Atsui, samui
Daijo bu
Daijo bu
Kawaeeko [onechan]
Kawaeeko [imoto]
Eeko-chan
Eeko-chan

It's a bath song, actually--first the water is too hot, then too cold, then ok. The second half is about how onechan and imoto are "cute and good girls" (kawaeeko combines kawaii and eeko) and "good girls." Onechan liked it when I threw in "Arigato [onechan]/Arigato [imoto]..." and other variations (although I never thought of "Kimochee" [feels good for "Daijo bu"--next time), but imoto kind of looked up at me like, "What are you doing, dad?" After a few such dirty looks, I kept to the canonical version. And after only about a hundred reps, both girls were out. Piece of cake! I could do this every night.

The Long Goodbye

Onechan turned three and a half just a little while ago and she's celebrating by showing a heck of a lot more self-awareness about our impending return to the States than she did a year ago when we were preparing to leave for Japan. She's writing long letters to her yochien friends (a system of her own invention, of course--it reads like Japanese and sometimes even looks like it, even though she writes it from the bottom of the page up), lobbying them during yochien to visit their homes after (and even getting some invites, which throws off imoto's napping schedule but keeps the girls busy while I'm holed up in my office trying to come up with something interesting for my 4-talks-in-3-weeks mini-marathon), and asking the tsuma all sorts of questions about what life will be like after we leave Fukuoka ("Is there Toys'R'Us in America?" "Can I eat dango in Dunkirk?" "Do they have ice cream?"). Probably imoto is the only one who's going to find this move and adjustment close to easy.

Abe Does the Old "Take One for the Team" Trick

As in Shinzo, not Lincoln. (For those keeping score, the current head honcho of Japan, not the 19th C US head honcho who did not quite equate dissent with treason, as those who do now had rather hopefully claimed, with their usual judiciousness, foresight, and concern for truthiness.)

You see, Abe-san claimed a few days ago that there's no evidence the Japanese military forced the "comfort women" of World War II into being repeatedly raped by its soldiers across East and Southeast Asia, sparking outrage in and rebuttals from both Koreas, China, and the Philippines. So why would he basically accuse the comfort women of being prostitutes now, as Japan gears up for bilateral negotiations with North Korea? This wouldn't be the secret hideout of the We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now Party if we couldn't link this burgeoning international controversy to WAAGNFNP wannabe Dick Cheney. Here's the way it works (I'd write this up as Completely Invented Dialogue, but I always turn the channel when I happen to see Bush or Cheney's face on the tee-vee these days, so my ability to do impressions has sadly atrophied from its so-called-peak Mr. "I pity the fool" T junior high school years).

The Dick Cheney Mordor Mystery Tour (coming soon to an undisclosed location near you) arrives in Japan not so long ago but gives a shorter-than-usual concert in which it does a terrible cover of the Abe administration's smash hit, "Our Obsession with North Korean Abductions of a Few Dozen Japanese Citizens a Few Decades Ago Trumps Your Obsession with Our Atrocities in Korea over the First Half of the Twentieth Century," leading many to wonder if the (I)rock criticism of Japan's top defense and foreign ministry officials a little longer ago had jeopardized the very special relationship between our conservatives and theirs (re: Gavan McCormack, known to me from his recent Japan Focus essay, read "client state," the title of his forthcoming Verso book on the subject). Behind the scenes, Cheney assigns Abe a little test, which amounts, as Maxwell Smart would have put it (and what is it with me giving Oaktown Girl more mockery-fodder in this post for my lack of pop culture taste?!--it's a good thing she hasn't caught my cleverly-disguised Knight Rider allusion yet, although to give her credit it may or may not depend on a mispronunciation of a certain cult Party's emeritus leader's name--d'oh! I've parenthesized too much), to "The Old Take One for the Team Trick."

Yup, Abe-san is trying to make the Cheney-Bush administration look good. It's a tough job (read JP's latest--and don't miss the comments--although certain commenters should follow his example and exercise the privileges of the Mostly Harmless author-function, since not even Floating Head Professor could get his regular readers to read comments at his more-virtual-than-thou blog, so don't expect "a 'insignificant microbe'" of a blog to get its even more virtual regular readers to do it...I'm talking to you, Silko!), but somebody's gotta do it (and I'm not talking about run-on parentheses, although somebody's gotta do that, too).

[Update: Just for Oaktown Girl, more fun with Star Wars, courtesy of generous linker robotnik, who really should do a Fulbright in Japan. And just for Adrian, more BerubeWatch (now with one link per word). You won't hear any "I told you so"s from Mostly Harmless. Nosireebob--don't look at comment #75. Nothing to see there. Move it along, people.]