Saturday, March 3, 2007

Dick Cheney Precipitates near-Blogocalypse


"Three" Branches of Government for the clueless in their homes,
Two Houses of Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine Mortal Justices someday doomed to die,
One Branch for the Dark Lord on his darkened throne,
In the minds of neocons where the Shadows lie.
One Branch to rule them all, One Branch to find them,
One Branch to bring them all and in the darkness bind them,
In the dreams of Cheney where the Shadows lie.


Officials at the NYBE (New York Blog Exchange) are breathing a sigh of relief now that the Senior Administration Official Dick Cheney WAAGNFNP Wannabe World Tour, which generated such boffo reviews in Afghanistan, Australia**  and elsewhere, has completed. The tour provided such a surplus of "pre-written" blog material that it precipitated a dramatic sell-off of blog futures.  Who could have imagined that events in Asia could have such an impact on the US blog markets? sighed one official. The sell-off was exacerbated by a technical glitch in Blogger and the effects of timezones which for a time masked the magnitude of the problem. Although cautiously optimistic, officials are keeping a worried eye on developments at CPAC, I don't think the market can hold up against another unfiltered influx of asshattery, said one.

Confronted about his role in the problem while on an outing with his daughter Mary, Cheney replied with characteristic multilingual wit: Après moi who gives a fuck, followed by What are you staring at, homo? directed at his daughter who was looking at him with unalloyed revulsion.


 [**See for instance, this letter to the Editor in the Sydney Morning Herald.]

City's empty streets mirror Cheney's empty rhetoric

Dear George,

Had a nice sleepover in this place called Sydney. They closed city streets and bridges and we could drive our cars real fast. Chatted to some really fine people and a couple of little guys with good and bad attitude. Most spoke American with an accent. We had fun.

Regards, Dick


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the update. I've been leery of the NYBE since an unfortunate experiment shorting googlewhacks. Live and learn.

When Cheney stopped here in 2004 fundraising for a Congressional wannabe the mayor's office prepared a bill for $31,900 to cover expenses incurred by the city. Attempts to deliver the bill failed. The Secret Service, National Republican Congressional Committee, and Department of Homeland Security all declined responsibility.

Anonymous said...

A sad day for the WAAGNFNP, when the Afghan Taliban Al Qaeda wannabe didn't have a nuke:

In a recent news analysis, here was the administration's official take on the deadly suicide bombing at the American military base in Afghanistan hosting the vice president on Tuesday, and killing two dozen, at the front door of U.S. military base (and injured dozens more) in a country we subdued, reputedly, years ago and have controlled, reputedly, ever since:

"American officials insisted that the importance of the attack ... was primarily symbolic. It was more successful at grabbing headlines and filling television screens with a scene of carnage than at getting anywhere near Mr. Cheney."

That's right, the killing and maiming of all those people, including US military personnel, was purely symbolic.

JP Stormcrow said...

That's right, the killing and maiming of all those people, including US military personnel, was purely symbolic.

Yes, they were merely trying to create an impression of chaos.

In Huck Finn, Twain had a similar attitude pegged a long time ago.

"It warn't the grounding -- that didn't keep us back but a little. We blowed out a cylinder-head."

"Good gracious! anybody hurt?"

"No'm. Killed a nigger."

"Well, it's lucky; because sometimes people do get hurt.

They really just don't give a damn.